Women Are Sharing Times They Were Sexualized And Shamed, And It’s Not (And Never Will Be) OK


“I posted a picture of my cosplay in a video game group online. I got many good comments but also a lot calling me a ‘slut.’ Some people even commented with the sexual stuff they wanted to do with me. In the picture, I’m sitting down and wearing long sleeves with no cleavage showing. At most, you could see a side view of my thigh. Still, I got bombarded with comments about how slutty I was. I had just turned 18 and had never had sex, been kissed, or been on a date. I was shocked and confused. I’d never been called anything like that before. I always dressed quite modestly and was considered the overly ‘good girl.’ Some of the people were praising me for looking ‘hot’ while others chose to be angry at me for looking ‘hot.’ As a woman, it sometimes feels like I’ll never win.”

“You can’t tell anything about someone from one picture of them. Even if I had been doing the things they assumed I was doing, what makes them think that’s okay to comment when all I’m trying to do is share this cool costume? 

I specifically remember one comment berating me for seeking male attention. I responded, ‘What makes you think I’m attracted to men?’ I literally just wanted to show the cool costume I made for something we all enjoyed, and somehow, the kissless virgin was turned into a ‘slut.’ 

The irony of the situation always seemed funny to me. People like to judge people (often women) so hard based on how they dress. In that instance, they couldn’t be more wrong. Likewise, dressing modestly doesn’t mean someone has never had sex or isn’t empowered in their sexuality.” —Anonymous, California 

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